For
parents, school mornings can pack in all the stress of a normal day into just a
couple of hours.
Wouldn't
it be amazing if all parents could have flextime, so there's more time in the
morning for small humans to have a more humane start to their day? But that's
not possible for many families. So, here are some ways you can make school
mornings easier, leading to happier kids and less-frazzled parents:
Be Strict About Sleep
If
you have to wake your kids in the morning, they aren't getting enough sleep.
Everyone differs in how much sleep they need, and you know how much is enough.
Every hour of sleep less than they need sets them back a year in access to
brain function, meaning they act a year younger. So if you're dragging your
child out of bed, start bedtime earlier. You almost certainly give your kids a
bedtime, but be sure you’re sticking to your own as well. Do yourself a favor
by getting to bed on time so you’re less cranky and more able to deal with the
hurdles of the morning with ease.
Get a Head Start the Night Before
It’s
tempting after a long day of work to put off what you can until the next day.
Yet, leaving things for when your brain is still waking up only makes things
harder. Make preparations for the next morning, like putting out breakfast
bowls and the kids’ clothes, part of your nightly routine. Once dinner,
cleaning and homework help are out of the way, you can relax knowing you’ve
made the next day as easy as possible.
Build-in Extra Time
Get
up earlier than your kids so you're dressed and emotionally centered before you
interact with them. A 10 minutes to yourself with coffee and the morning paper
can help you relax. With a peaceful mindset, you can then get started on waking
up the kids and preparing for the day. A calmer attitude sets you up for the
rest of the day.
You
can also plan on routinely getting to work fifteen minutes earlier than you're
due. Half the time, you won't make it but you also won't lose your temper at
your kids because you won't actually be late. The other half of the time,
you'll have a more relaxed start to your work day so you'll be more effective
at work.
Incentivize Getting Ready Early
Giving
yourself and your kids enough time to get ready is key to avoiding rushing
around and getting stressed. It can be difficult for kids to see the benefit of
getting to school on time, as they’re usually reluctant to go in the first
place. If you offer a small treat for finishing early, like 15 minutes of
cartoons before leaving, children often get ready on time by themselves. Even
better, make treat time something you share with them, either by watching their
shows as well or doing some drawing or playing together.
Use Connection Routines to Make Transitions Easier
Kids
find transitions hard and the morning is full of transitions. So if getting her
out of bed is a challenge, end your morning snuggle by holding hands as you go
downstairs together, and make that a meaningful connection time for your child,
during which you both come up with something you're grateful for, or something
you're looking forward to today. (Naturally, yours will relate to your child.)
Help Kids to Move through the Routine
If
your goal is to give your child a good start to his day, then you need to see
your job as helping him move through the morning routine happily, not just
barking orders. That might mean you bring his clothes downstairs with you and
he gets dressed next to you while you're feeding the baby so you can
acknowledge him: "I notice you picked your blue shirt again. You like that
shirt....You're working so hard on figuring out which shoe goes on which
foot...Today you're humming while you get dressed." Remember, getting
dressed is your priority, not his. Your presence is what motivates him. He's
borrowing your "executive function" to keep himself on track.
Keep the Routine as Simple as Possible
So,
for instance, you may want to rethink breakfast. I know, you want to serve your
child a hot breakfast at the table. Me too. But I have one kid who just wasn't
ready to eat as soon as she got up, so there were times when she regularly ate
a sandwich in the car. No less healthy, more peaceful -- a better start to the
day.
Worried
about brushing teeth? I handed her a toothbrush and sippy cup of water after
her sandwich. No toothpaste in the mornings for a few months. If you consider
that too much of a compromise, you'll need to find a solution that works for
you, but my point is that there are no rules. Why can't they sleep in the
T-shirt and leggings they'll wear to school? Why can't you just put her hair in
a ponytail instead of brushing it, or braid it after her bath, let her sleep
with it in the braid and wear it to school without brushing?
Give Choices
No
one likes to be pushed around. Does he want to brush his teeth standing on the
stool at the kitchen sink while you're getting the baby out of the high chair,
or upstairs in the bathroom? Does she want to put her shoes on first, or her
jacket on first? Cede control whenever you can. You may think he should use the
bathroom as soon as he gets out of bed, but he wants to be in charge of his own
body. As long as he's not wetting his pants, it's better to let him make that
decision for himself.
Play it out
Sometime
on the weekend, grab a mom and baby stuffed animal. Have them act out the
morning routine. Have the little one resist, whine, collapse. Have the mom
"lose it" (but don't scare your child by overdoing it. Have the mom
be a funny, incompetent bumbler.) Your child will be fascinated. Then, hand
your kid the "mom" and play out the scenario again, with you being
the kid. Make it funny so you can both giggle and let off tension. Make sure to
include scenarios in which the kid goes to school in his pjs, or the mom goes
to work in her pjs, or the kid has to yell at the mom to hurry up and get
ready, or the mom says "Who cares about that meeting? Let's tell the boss
it's more important to find your toy car!" Give him in fantasy what he
can't have in reality. You may learn something about how to make things work
better. Almost certainly, you'll see more understanding and cooperation from
your kid on Monday. At the very least, the laughter will defuse the tension.
Ruthlessly prioritize
If
both parents are working full time while children are small, there is simply no
way to do anything "extra" during the week. This is the only way you
can go to bed early enough to stay in a good mood in the morning. And your
child depends on your good mood to regulate her own moods. Don't worry, these years
don't last forever. You're laying a wonderful foundation for her to take more
and more charge of her own morning routine.
Give Everything a “Home”
If
you’re always scrambling to find the car keys, school bags or shoes, make sure
you set places for all these things so you know where they’ll be. Tell your
kids it’s important to put everything back in its proper place, and supervise
until they make it a habit. You’ll find you spend less time looking for
everything and more time enjoying your mornings together and being on time.
With
everyone sleepy and thinking of the tasks for the day ahead, mornings with kids
can often be the most stressful part of the day. By implementing some
structure, planning and fun time into the routine, school mornings can become a
lot less stressful and set you and your kids up for a great day ahead.
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